Let me tell you about the time I almost got busted for being *too* smart. Yeah, you heard me right—sometimes being clever just ain't worth the hassle. This is a story about how I tried to outsmart the system, and the system said, "Not today!"
So, picture this: I’m in the middle of trying to get my EBT benefits reactivated. Now, that’s a whole other story, but just know it involved some bureaucratic nonsense, a lost card, and me needing to eat. So, I head down to the office with my paperwork and my phone.
Now, this phone of mine—man, it’s got issues. The service is cut off, but I still use it on WiFi. That’s right, I’m hustling through life on a budget, but you can’t keep a good person down. My phone is "off" but it's still "on." You follow? I’m using it to check emails, post on my blog, and—this is important—fill out the damn EBT application.
So, I’m sitting there in the waiting room, filling out the form, and they ask for a phone number. Now, I know my service is disconnected, but I’m thinking, "Hey, I’ll just give them this number anyway, in case I reactivate it. Besides, I prefer email. No big deal, right?"
Wrong.
I hand the form to the clerk. Now, I’m expecting this to be a quick in-and-out situation. Give me my EBT card so I can go grab some groceries and be done with it. But instead, she looks at my form and says, “Okay, you’ll have a telephone appointment next week.”
Now, hold up—what? A telephone appointment? When did this become a doctor’s office? I tell her, "Uh, why do I need a telephone appointment? I’m right here! Can’t we handle this now?"
She gives me this look, like I just asked her to solve a Rubik’s cube in under ten seconds. “Well,” she says slowly, like she’s talking to a toddler, “since you put down a phone number, we have to schedule a telephone appointment.”
Now, I’m thinking, "Lady, are you serious?" I try to explain, “Listen, that number—yeah, it’s mine, but the phone service is off. I’m just using WiFi. You know, to stay connected, do my work. So, how about we skip the phone call and just do this now?”
She frowns like I just insulted her entire family. “Well, if your phone service is off, why did you put the number down?”
Now, see, this is where being clever can get you in trouble. I’m trying to be strategic, planning ahead, but now it’s backfiring on me. I sigh and say, “Look, I put it down because it’s my most recent number. I might turn it back on, I might not, but right now, it’s off. I figured it was better than leaving it blank.”
She nods, still not convinced, and says, “Alright, we’ll fix that.” She grabs my form, strikes out the number with a big red pen like it’s a death sentence, and writes “OFF” above it in all caps. Then she slides it back to me and says, “You need to sign next to it.”
So, I sign, thinking that’s the end of it. But then she leans in and says, “Now, you might want to put that phone away while you wait. The next clerk might wonder why you’re using it when you said it’s off.”
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. I can’t believe this is happening. I’m using WiFi! Does she think I’m running some kind of scam? Like I’ve got a secret phone line hidden in my shoe or something? I look at her and say, “It’s just WiFi, you know. I’m not trying to pull a fast one here.”
She gives me that condescending smile, the one you give to a kid who just spilled juice all over the table. “I know, but you might want to hide it anyway. Just in case.”
So, now I’m sitting there in this dingy office, trying to hide my phone like I’m sneaking candy into a movie theater. Every time I take it out to check something, I feel like I’m committing a crime. Like the WiFi police are gonna swoop in and haul me off to tech jail. All because I tried to be smart and put down a number that wasn’t working at the moment.
And here’s the kicker: as I’m sitting there, waiting, I see the next person in line walk up. They hand over their form, and the clerk just waves them on through. No telephone appointment, no fuss, nothing. They’re in and out in five minutes while I’m still sitting there, sweating over my WiFi signal.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, they call my name. I go up, get my new card, and I’m out the door. But let me tell you, that whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth. All because of a phone number I wasn’t even using.
The moral of the story? Sometimes, it’s better to just keep it simple. You try to be clever, you try to plan ahead, and the system just slaps you in the face. The world isn’t ready for people like us—folks who think two steps ahead. No, they want you to play by the rules, even when the rules make no damn sense.
So next time, I’m putting down “no phone,” and if they want to know why, I’ll just tell them, “Because it’s OFF.” Simple, easy, no WiFi drama. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll get through the line a little quicker.
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